indigonights:

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th0rns:

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vienspats 1h

sad reality of (my)addiction/badhabits

is like you really did accomplish

something back there. it’s true people

change but there’s a truth to the

idea of “drowning” something out.

there’s parts that don’t come back.

knowing msyself means I signed off

on that agreement a long time ago.

cheating myself of chemicals in the

brain constantly? what did I expect,

feel good? long-term? being in the

present brings its own curses, i may

have slipt into that a bit too much. it

works in some ways, it works on the

day to day but years went by and I was

still stuck?? how? it took so many

vices to break that scale and realize

things are out of control. shoutout

Greg for the numerous wake up calls.

literally. it doesn’t change much about

where you’re at making the decision to

chose life over the dark but it’s where

i started. there’s no magical glow up

story, it’s a shitty grind that honestly

sucks but you can catch glimpses. it’s like

biking up a hill. you can briefly turn your head back around or take a break and rest - but you get a chance to see it. except that road never ends, and it’s still the same shitty uphill ride.

i miss the mountains already. I’ve been reminding myself with “you’re always where you need to be” ; a strong emphasis on the “need”…

nedenkedimyok:

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neckkiss:

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